It Is An Affair To Remember - Nora Ephron Made Us Happy

 Nicholas Pileggi  and Nora Ephron at the 2010 Tribeca Film Festival. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

There was a time, long ago, when both of my sons were away at college and the phone would ring and one of them would utter something like this: "Mom, turn on TBS Sleepless In Seattle is playing." Cute, huh? Sweet even. It always made me feel good that they knew their mom well enough to know that no matter how many times I might have seen a particular movie I will watch the film again and again. This fact about me was #24 on my post about 84 Things You May Not Know About Me.

Today I would like to take just a few minutes to say thank you to Nora Ephron. Nora passed away yesterday leaving many of us sad and wondering what will we do without her uncanny ability to zero in on a story, write a captivating screenplay, find wonderful actors to play roles that really so many of us have played in our real lives.

I am about eight years younger than Nora, but I know many of our generation grew up watching Deborah Kerr and Cary Grant in An Affair To Remember. And for those of you out there who refuse to believe that lovestruck people don't still say: "If we are meant to be together, we'll plan to meet on the top of the Empire State Building", I am here to tell you that once long ago in 1976 I was to meet someone on the top of the Empire State Building. He cancelled.

But years later on the occasion of my 25th Wedding Anniversary to the one and only true love of my life, Dennis took me to the top of the Empire State Building. The year was 2003 and it was wonderful...by then I had probably seen Sleepless In Seattle (1993) 50 times and Dennis knew just how to surprise me (unlike Nickie in An Affair To Remember, Dennis took me first to the top of the Empire State Building and then on to Europe to cruise the Danube).

Nora Ephron's body of work is remarkable. If you have ever worked for a less than moral employer...then you relate to Silkwood (1983). If you graduated from high school or college and moved to the big city to find your fame and fortune (and "what she's having"), then you identify with all the ups and downs of When Harry Met Sally (1989). If you discovered (or hoped to discover) the love of your life in a "chat room" and wound up marrying him/her, then memories resonate each time you watch You've Got Mail (1998). If you have ever struggled to find your identity by learning to cook (#54 of the 84 Things You May Not Know About Me), then Julie and Julia (2009) not only inspires one to learn to cook, but also to start a blog.

Nora lived a life that many of us would envy. As a young woman she lived in Washington, D.C. and New York City, she worked as a White House intern for President Kennedy, she applied to be a writer for Newsweek in 1962, but was told women could not be writers; however, they did offer her a job in the mail room and she accepted it. She went on to write for the likes of  New York Post, New York Magazine, Esquire, New York Times Magazine, and even found herself in a heartbreaking marriage to Carl Bernstein - one of two reporters for the Washington Post who helped uncover the secrets of Watergate.

I learned today that it was that heartbreaking marriage that inspired Heartburn (1986). I must confess that I have never seen Heartburn, but I do know the music from it and I have experienced divorce (#16 of the 84 Things You May Not Know About Me).

There is no easy way to close this post. Except to say a few final words. Nora Ephron gave us a gift. She shared her gift of writing with all who were willing to read her novels and eventually watch her films over and over again, simply because watching one of her films is still like getting together with old friends. Most of us never had the pleasure to meet Nora in real life, but we feel like we know her. And we feel like Nora knew us or at least she knew what we might be feeling or experiencing in all of those cross-roads of life, those life changing events.  She taught us to dream, she coaxed us to dream even in the depths of heartache.

“And then the dreams break into a million tiny pieces. The dream dies. Which leaves you with a choice: you can settle for reality, or you can go off, like a fool, and dream another dream.”
― Nora Ephron, Heartburn

Heavy hearts tonight...but It Is An Affair To Remember and we won't soon forget.

Dennis & Judy - Empire State Building 2003

Related articles

• Nora Ephron Dies At 71 (huffingtonpost.com)
• Nora Ephron, 1941-2012 (nymag.com)
• Playwright and Filmmaker Nora Ephron Dies at 71 (broadwayworld.com)

Overbooked Children 20 Years Later

For the record I am not a mommy blogger. Or on second thought maybe I am one of the original mommy bloggers; consider that I started writing my yearly "painfully honest" holiday letters around 1985 and when I published Innovations for our Cranmore Mt. Lodge I frequently opined about raising our sons, Aaron and Daniel.  This past week my friend, Angela DeCicco, Facebook shared a New York Times article: Family Happiness and the Overbooked Child.

Whatever your current status is: parent with small children, grandparent, aunt, uncle, parent with teenagers, please read the article. I did. And it made me think back 20 years ago when our children wanted to participate in activities or learn a musical instrument.  We had to weigh each request carefully, not just from the monetary impact, but also impact on their time, our time and quite frankly their real interest.

So let's see. Here is a quick rundown of formal ACTIVITIES that Aaron and Daniel enjoyed: alpine skiing training and competitive racing (both), soccer camp (Daniel), little league baseball (Aaron), Nordic skiing training and competitive racing (Daniel), Cub Scouts (Aaron) and guitar lessons (both).  From my "edited" memories I am happy to report:

• Our spare closet still plays home to the alpine skiing trophies, medals, ribbons and I can still remember 10 year old Aaron returning from the 1991 Junior Ski Meisters Awards night. He had received a number of awards and exclaimed: "This was the best night of my whole life!"
• Daniel won some kind of recognition at summer soccer camp, but for the life of me I cannot remember the details. (But be assured I have photos.)
• In 1992 Aaron played baseball for the John Fuller Farm League and he was the first recipient of the James Reed Memorial Trophy for being the "most improved player."
• In 1996 Daniel participated in the inaugural "Ski to the Clouds" race. He still holds the record for the youngest person to x-country ski UP the Mt. Washington Auto Road.
• Guitar lessons...my clearest memory is: after multiple months of lessons, Grandma Birdie asked the boys to play her a song. They managed to "pick" out "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star!" Grandma Birdie was a pretty good audience (just a little eye-rolling), after all that is a grandma's duty. But Aaron and Daniel soon put down the guitars. Playing a musical instrument seemed not to be part of their DNA...the lessons ceased.

Today I am writing this post to share with you my thoughts about providing opportunities for your children. I have mentioned before that my mother insisted that my siblings and I learn how to play a musical instrument. I have no idea what this cost my parents over the 15 + years that we took lessons. I was never good in sports, but my parents did allow my middle sister to take tennis lessons and we all experienced rudimentary horseback riding (it was free).  My brother played sports; he has a lot of trophies and mended bones.  But details aside, I have always been thankful for these opportunities which allowed me to learn and appreciate the arts.

Opportunities are not always wrapped in a formal training program, be it a camp or team. Sometimes we can provide our children with opportunities by allowing them to learn a skill and practice the skill in day to day life. For example, when Aaron was about 12 Dennis encouraged or invited him to learn how to cook breakfast for our inn guests. Aaron found he liked cooking and he could be rewarded with compliments and a small paycheck. If you like to write then encourage your children. My dad liked to write silly poetry. I had an uncle that loved to draw - pencil sketching, and all these years later that innate ability has come alive in my sisters and at least one of my nephews. My husband loves to play the piano. It comes naturally to him. As little boys, Aaron and Daniel watched intently.

To my friends that have little children or are expecting babies, enjoy the moments. Encourage your children, but remember they will always keep surprising you. Want to know what our "overbooked children" are doing now 20 years later?  Well, I am going to tell you.

Aaron and Dennis at the CIA - August 2, 2011

Aaron is now (eight years after his college graduation) enrolled in the Culinary Institute of America's ACE Program. In fact earlier this month we visited with Aaron at the CIA. (see photo of Aaron and Dennis).

Daniel plays a great harmonica (see YouTube video below- Daniel is the one on the right). And now we have learned he is teaching himself how to play the piano! And believe me, he gets it. Music is part of him. So what if he is not a classical guitarist...Grandma Birdie was proud to have Daniel play piano for her friends earlier this month. By the way, he took up downhill skiing again this year.

Daniel playing the piano - August 2011

The truth is most children will find their way, their passion.  And when they do, learning becomes fun and they will happily spend hours with their chosen art.

Your thoughts? Are you overbooking your children?